Being a mother has changed many paradigms for me, yet made me rethink about parenting models to which we are more or less accustomed. I think it’s true what we often hear that children come to teach us things … and above all they come to help us be better persons.
Since childhood, I liked to read and I do it whenever I can. Many years ago I decided that I wanted to read books that helped me improve and become a better person every day, but since I became a mother that has gone a step further. Now it is not only about improving myself but how to help my daughters on their way.
We also heard many times that “small children, small problems; big kids, big problems. ” You can call it problems, challenges, situations, conflicts, requests … A newborn has no more difficulty than breastfeed when hungry, accompany him when sleepy, keep him clean when his diaper is dirty, and be present to make him feel that we are with him. But when he grows and begins to feel autonomous, when he starts to want to decide what to wear, if he feels like sharing his toys or play with others, whether it is the right time to pick the room … that is another matter.
What do we do? We can not educate in a way that we do not even know it exists. That is, if our parents were a control freak, and we had to abide by all decisions “because I say so”, then we only know that way because it is what we have experienced.
If every time we behaved in a way our parents considered wrong corrected us through a slab or threat, then we will not have more tools than these but, is that what we want for our children?
Now that I am a mother I know what I want and do not want to do … the problem is that quite often I do not know how to do it. Luckily I have friends with whom we share a way of seeing things very similar and that’s a big help. There is always a suggestion available, an interesting article to read, or a good book to share.
And one thing leads to another as from several sides I got the information from a book entitled “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life” (in Spanish called “Comunicación No Violenta: un Lenguaje de Vida”) and turned out that I had it at home for almost three years but I had not paid the slightest attention. It was an unexpected gift and now I see I wasn’t prepared for it at that moment.
It’s not a book specially dedicated to the education and raising children; it is a different way of communication between people for a greater understanding and without conflict. And in the whole process of assimilation I thought how I could help the girls to start with the basics, and in the meanwhile help each other to improve.
So as they are very visual and it helps a lot working with images, I designed this to keep it in sight.
We all have needs, and the way we ask others to fulfill them will determine if they are willing to do so or not. It doesn’t mean trying to manipulate others to do what we want but to express sincerely what we are needing and accept the others decision
It is helping us a lot to deal with their / our needs and feelings.
What about you? How do you deal with them?
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